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Alfred J Bruey - Jackson, MI (USA):

April 01, 2001:
This book will provide you with everything you need in life and
    never expect anything in return.
This book will not live up to its expectations.
This book was originally though about in Greek, then in French. Now,
    no one thinks about it at all.
This book was destroyed by fire in Bradbury's "Fahrenheit 451."
This book has no adjectives or adverbs so there is a lot
    of action but not many descriptions.

April 02, 2001:
This book is a children's book but no one under the age
    of 80 should be allowed to read it.
This book saved my life but I wouldn't tell you how even
    if I could.
This book has never been censored but it may as well have
    been since no one has ever read it.
This book was mailed to me in a plain brown wrapper so
    I wouldn't know what it was until I opened it.
This book was not written in English and it is illegal to
    translate it into English.

April 03, 2001:
This book needn't be censored since it was written in invisible ink.
This book hasn't been written yet and I can prove mathematically that
    it never will.
This book was once presented to me by the author as long
    as I would promise never to read it.
This book is the Great American Novel although it isn't named that
    because the author is modest.
This book is entitled "The Joys of War" but it is a
    fun book for children because of all the pictures of bullets and
    bombs which they can color.

April 04, 2001:
This book originally was bound in blue leather but was rebound in
    red leather. Now it has a happy ending.
This book entered the 1936 Olympics as a high diver but was
    disqualified when the judges found out it couldn't swim.
This book ran the Boston Marathon one year but it was so
    cold that its binding froze and it fell and hurt its spine.
This book had the goal of reading all the books shelved within
    fifty feet of it but it had to quit after suffering a
    hernia trying to open an atlas.
This book wanted to be filled with drawings that children could color
    but the author only included somber photographs and text that made the
    children cry.

April 05, 2001:
This book has been hollowed out so the librarian can hide her
    lunch from the ever-hungry library janitor.
This book wanted to be a box of chocolate candy so that
    rich elegant women would love it and hold it and fondle its
    contents.
This book was hidden in a hollow tree for hundreds of years
    until it was discovered and freed by a horde of rampaging druids.
This book is a music book that can sing, in four-part harmony,
    any song you can name while accompanying itself on the banjo.
This book gets by on only $1.00 allowance per week because it
    is so smart that the other books take it to lunch every
    day just to learn what it knows.

April 06, 2001:
This book is bright and airy and freshly painted but it has
    six bedrooms and only one bath.
This book must be rebound after every reading because its contents make
    the readers so angry that they each throw it against the wall
    many times.
This book has many faults and no redeeming qualities but any attemps
    to remove it from the library have met with cries of "Censorship,
    censorship!" from a small group of people who never read.
This book will believe anything you tell it as long as you
    put it in writing.
This book can not hold you on cold lonely nights but it
    will help you find someone who can.

April 07, 2001:
This book thinks it's smart but it can't even tie its own
    shoes.
This book starts reading itself out loud when you open it. You
    can't read it in public because you bother those around you. Its
    voice drones on and on. Listening to this book helps you fall
    asleep.
This book is not only long, it is boring. On the positive
    side, by the pound it is one of the best buys in
    the book world.
This book is filing a discrimination lawsuit against Mother Nature because, although
    its strong spine allows it to swim the backstroke, it can not
    swim the breast stroke for obvious reasons.
This book would never have sold a single copy if it hadn't
    been mentioned on the Simpsons' show and at a presidential news conference.
   

April 08, 2001:
This book will seat eight, but not comfortably.
This book quit smoking more than twenty years ago, but still reaches
    for a cigarette during times of stress.
This book is bound for glory, this book, this book is bound
    for glory, this book, this book is bound for glory, its words
    tell an old love story, this book.
This book always knows where it is, even if it's put in
    the trunk of a car and blindfolded and taken for a ride.
This book is the life of every party. You should see it
    with a lampshade on its head.

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