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Deb Warner - Chapel Hill, NC (USA):

April 02, 2001:
This book really knows its way around the space/time continuum.
The infamous misprint on page 15 has gained this book a death
    sentence in 3 star systems
and canonization in 4 more.
This book has no original language,
it exists only in translation.
Ulysses left this copy of James Joyce under the bed at Circe's
    Animal Sanctuary and Marina Motel.
This book has picked up some very bad habits.
Pigs won't go anywhere near this book.
Police held this actual copy for questioning regarding Bierce's disappearance, but it
    was never charged.
Why you no wanna read this book? This book save your soul,
make your teeth grow straight, maybe even cure cancer.
Or maybe not. Maybe you be chosen, maybe not.
Why you no wanna read this book? Your life so fine
    you don't need no help?
So Okay, just BE that way. It be your loss...
I lost this very book overboard off Key West 10 years ago,
only to find it at O'Hare airport yesterday.
There are certain very interesting annotations in my handwriting
that I never made.
Whatever you do, don't read page---------

deb warner - chapel hill, nc (USA):

April 04, 2001:
In an effort to avoid the relentless questioning of the Inquisition, Sister
    Maria Estrella translated all her poems
into a private form of Braille and embroidered it onto the altar
    clothes for the greatest cathedral in Toledo.
she thereafter had the satisfaction of seeing the ArchBishop Diego y Castillo
    bowing reverently before
That which he most certainly would have regarded as the most dire
    heresy.
They burned her at last, but it was a very good joke
    all the same.
The title of this book is AUNT BARBARA'S BOOK OF ANSWERS--ALL PROBLEMS
    SOLVED--INQUIRE WITHIN.
Thing is, you really can. Inquire within, I mean. For
    answers--to everything.
If you don't take its suggestions it can sulk for days---even weeks---and
    shows nothing but badly scanned limericks.
I found this with a copy of BEST OF MAD at a
    yard sale for 50 cents.
No, you can't borrow it. Ever.

April 05, 2001:
This book is the only child of midwife Leonora Di Capellini, concieved
    at other women's bedsides, twin to every other new life she caught
    in her hands, birthed in a labor that lasted over 5 years.
Some pages can only be read after midnight, or at moments of
    great pain or joy.
This book knows secrets.
Sometimes, late at night, I hear this book singing softly to itself.
I do not recogize the language, but the tune is soothing.
Just put the book down, back away slowly, and no one gets
    hurt. Oh yes, and shut up.
Very good. Yes, well I have the gun, I am not
    required to be witty.
Foolish of you to assume that you could just check this book
    out and sneer at our overdue notices??
This book will go back where it belongs--on the shelf.

April 06, 2001:
This book was mostly dictated after midnight, in automatic writing, by a
    long-dead but still chatty SHakespearean actor who felt that he had recieved
    insufficient recognition in life.
I was young then, and foolish enough to think that the dead
    were wiser and more

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