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Peg Duthie - Nashville, TN (USA):
April 12, 2001:
This book claims there's something in the Michigan water. I brought
it with me from Detroit.
This book is sharp enough to slice a noose, but that means
it can't do a thing about rattlesnake venom.
This book will thicken blood faster than a roux.
This book can out-honk an angry goose.
This book is an excommunicated calendar. You should read what it
has to say about those far-from-innocent Innocents.
This book gets carried away too easily - but it also always
manages to find its way back.
This book tastes more powdery than a cheap antacid. Urgggh!
The cover of this book was crafted out of a rain-ruined chuppah.
This book is so hot it shorted every microphone in Manhattan.
They had to cancel RENT.
This book is more silken than a red pepper roasted in duck
I should have started sharing my books twelve days ago. You'll
forgive me for wanting to show-off-and-tell some more?
But, of course, what I really want to show you are the
books I don't yet have. Those would be the books I've
yet to make and to write.
This book is stained with turtle spit and rabbit spunk. I
can't decide whether to read it slowly because I'll only be able
to stand reading through it once, or if I should just race
through it to get it over with. Either way I'll be
rinsing my hands for days.
This book was dedicated to Pontius Pilate. It's shelved next to
the libretto of Jesus Christ Superstar.
I really ought to sell this book, everything in it is on
April 13, 2001:
This book was rescued from a recycling bin by an artist who
then shredded every 13th page for her collaged self-portraits.
She tried to use this book in a fight with me.
We'd still be friends if she hadn't been literal about smacking me
over the head with its arguments. A good thing it was
Don't read this book without vaseline if you want to keep smiling.
This book has so many creased corners it should just be turned
into a pack of origami dogs.
This book can placate a cat-o-nine-tails in mid-downstroke.
This book has a weaker kick than stale wasabi.
This book is more slippery than a determined tuna.
This book anthologizes the comment cards of thirteenth-floor hotel guests..
This book is a munition, and it will dye your hands green
if you fail to speak the right password before opening it.
This book was sewn together from pads of misprinted checks. Browsers
still rip out its pages and try to cash them at the
liquor store down the street. By this point, the clerk just
rolls her eyes and reaches into her stockpile of skunked beer.
"Here's your check back - you can use it as your hand-guard."
April 14, 2001:
This book contains all of the apostrophes missing from the websites I
This book explains whether to use "a" or "an" before "h" and
"y" (and whether commas go inside or outside of quotation marks) but
I'm too lazy to fetch it.
This book is a half-assed effort by its author, she was being
distracted by three rambunctious chow puppies and saving for her stepchildren's college
This book provides guidelines for finding a safe and legal abortion provider.
The book next to it chronicles the ways that different cultures
celebrate pregnancy, including the "belly masks" created by an artist in Northern
California. They sound very cool.
This book was chewed on by one of the chow puppies.
I threw out the one he yukked upon, but this one
contained Brela T. Garbthold's autograph.
April 15, 2001:
This book demands that there be a new category called "friction," for
when fiction and real life collide.
This book thinks it should be in fiction, it's unhappy being ghettoized
in gay studies.
This book got here by mistake - the nearsighted owner had forgotten
he'd already purchased a copy, and tried to return the library's copy
to the basement bookstore.
When I opened this book, a shower of cancelled 32-cent stamps fluttered
to the floor.
This book tells me how to catch the kind of husband I
want to avoid.
I kept sneaking looks at this book during my all-nighter instead of
getting on with my footnotes.
My cat fell asleep on this book when I left it open
on the sofa to get a Coke and the phone rang.
This book show a cat and a bunny becoming bosom buddies.
This book contains the ketubah of the owl and the pussycat.
This book was hidden inside a bell for twenty-six years. It
wasn't found until a sixth-grader from Virginia tried to escape from his
family by hiding in the belfry instead of returning to the bus
with the rest of his class.