Small War

I thought I had left behind the darkness
of the heart it was a plan leaving it
behind  I planned to enter the trance of

sensual peace and fulfillment that was
my plan  But the best-laid plans I say and
pause thinking it better not to mention

mice with their trail of dark images strange
scurry into dark holes the sense of un-
cleanliness the gamey smell a small-game

smell  Oh there's a better word game the game
of the heart small game that's good too like small
arms and light weapons this is a small war

a small dark and secret war of the heart
The deer running fleet chased by the hounds
No not that game  Heart war against all plan

thrusting out of its dark hole and
scurrying through the room of the life
Scurry or gallop the sound of horses'

hooves beating on the distant hill I've heard
that and thought they were running through my heart
Great gallop on the hill of a dark heart

Though war is too great a word even
small war when we remember the torture
chambers the real torture on the real flesh

the bullet piercing the flesh-and-blood heart
There are no words great or small to describe
the private torture of the hounded heart

Animal

I am very nervous in myself I
was always nervous as an animal
angling for its home and then homing in

toward a home but never finding it I
was that sort of lost animal although
animals are rarely lost we are lost

as they are not we are the burrowers
in our own dark mud when oh the light and
so on not to be dark or obtuse when

the light is wonderful this wonder that
we should be so dark and lost and the world
was designed to be a home for us or

were we merely its bad accident oh
this we came to its great beauty to mar
and obscure or this we came randomly

without meaning or message brought along
by hunger viciousness oh the beauty
that we never saw or that the vicious

never saw but speaking of myself I
tried to live in beauty but found it hard
even harrowing we are made to drive

at joy but not to strike and when we strike
we miss I am nervous as I said I
wanted all I struck at it and didn't

hit or battered wildly and got a hit
only enough to make me hit again
lost hunter sad animal homing soul