It was a smug film, smug on its own evil, fat with it,the actor-king so smug, the direction, allegedly so cold, so pure,in fact only smug-drunk on its ambience of slush and nicotine,springtime and grey city light and all the poor beige suicides,the camera always moving, side to side, more fear, more brokenpeople, the surrounders, who indulged their man’s brokenness,the always sense of a wink to the camera, of men complicit in theiracting, their actions. I want to know nothing—this is not grief,this is a teenage boy’s, an Italian’s fantasy of grief, how to weaponisegrief, grief as the royal road to a woman’s body—and we tell theaudience that she is unsatisfied, and she keeps coming backdoesn’t she, she’s asking for everything that is filmed and shown,and the great statue, Brando collapsing, Brando shouting,the reason for all this, the centrepiece, his gruntingthe audible sign of a great actor, just how close can you approacha full contempt for the audience and still pivot on their love,Brando grunting and dangerous even through the screen. One momentin this vast smug film, black stain on the negative, whenI tell you I felt as pure a cold as any art has ever made me feel,when Jeanne shouts across the metro station, a train passing,to her useless and aggressive boyfriend, screams in a fury shedeserves je suis fatigué de me faire violer | I am tired of being rapedand the train passes and she has her fury out in the worldand that clever-clever camera switches to show how she is seeingand there is no one standing or listening on the other platform.And I saw this film in the cold cinema, the Spartak cinema,the unheated former Lutheran church on Kirochnaya Street,in 2001, before it was destroyed in an insurance fire,in spring, almost spring, I was unhappy, not that unhappy, in love.The film a scratched print, the sound horrid, the underpaidabused lektor read out the script in a dry Russian monotone,and the film was so cold, the church so cold, the camera eye so too …I did not deserve to feel so cold, but what saved me was the worldexisting outside the film, the cinema, the church, the abyss,that voyeur, always ready with a few home truths, and to know thatyes, there was always standing and listening and watching,and you can see the world without judgement and knowledge, it is notall grey and tired, even in the grey-tired, grey-skinned city.I came out into the grey evening, and forced myself to see life,and that evening the bridges opened like a great stone bible,and the river, the frozen river, the river, tore pages from itself.