1.
When I’m crouched on my heels in front of the young dead buck, 1 can hear
the landscaper in the distance tell my mother that he thinks I’m beautiful.
the landscaper in the distance tell my mother that he thinks I’m beautiful.
2.
When my new lover asks me to spread my legs wider he says
Let me see how pretty you are, to bring himself closer to me.
Let me see how pretty you are, to bring himself closer to me.
3.
My mother, worried about death’s scent
decides we need to move the body farther away from us, that distance is the remedy—
My mother, worried about death’s scent
decides we need to move the body farther away from us, that distance is the remedy—
4.
There are too many reasons why he and I shouldn’t be, so I’m hesitant
and therefore closed, only letting a small part of myself peek through to reach him.
There are too many reasons why he and I shouldn’t be, so I’m hesitant
and therefore closed, only letting a small part of myself peek through to reach him.
5.
But there are no men around to help us with the unpleasant weight,
the landscaper gone, and so—
But there are no men around to help us with the unpleasant weight,
the landscaper gone, and so—
6.
I realize I’m not very good at having a casual relationship because I consider telling
my man that I did it, that I moved the body all by myself, dragging it down into the
woods, just so he’ll think I’m brave.
I realize I’m not very good at having a casual relationship because I consider telling
my man that I did it, that I moved the body all by myself, dragging it down into the
woods, just so he’ll think I’m brave.
7.
O, you, we say to one another from a distance. O, you. A proclamation of longing.
O, you, we say to one another from a distance. O, you. A proclamation of longing.
8.
When I get even closer, there is a wound so cavernous it appears infinite, an endless
maw that stays open, almost as if the dead could allow, say, yes, to the flies and
wasps who want so deeply to harmonize inside the flesh.
When I get even closer, there is a wound so cavernous it appears infinite, an endless
maw that stays open, almost as if the dead could allow, say, yes, to the flies and
wasps who want so deeply to harmonize inside the flesh.
9.
Because we’ve been apart longer than we’ve been together, we word our desire
out of distance. When we’re ravenous, we say so. When we want it raw, we say
so. When we want to devour each other’s mouths, we say so. When we want the
nighttime tenderness of soft limbs, we say so. Cock. Spit. Night. He says, Kismet. O,
you. So much want, we are becoming made of words.
Because we’ve been apart longer than we’ve been together, we word our desire
out of distance. When we’re ravenous, we say so. When we want it raw, we say
so. When we want to devour each other’s mouths, we say so. When we want the
nighttime tenderness of soft limbs, we say so. Cock. Spit. Night. He says, Kismet. O,
you. So much want, we are becoming made of words.
10.
My mother and I call Fish and Game and the kind female voice says that because
the buck isn’t near enough to any road, there’s nothing they could do. Leave it to the
circle of life. She said it two more times: Leave it to the circle of life. If her voice were
flesh, it would be the tender side of a young girl’s wrist.
My mother and I call Fish and Game and the kind female voice says that because
the buck isn’t near enough to any road, there’s nothing they could do. Leave it to the
circle of life. She said it two more times: Leave it to the circle of life. If her voice were
flesh, it would be the tender side of a young girl’s wrist.
11.
When he wanted me to spread, he pleaded, O-pen. I’m still not sure how I feel about
the word splay. I still will not tell you of all the reasons he’s forbidden, just that he
said it two more times, Open, open.
When he wanted me to spread, he pleaded, O-pen. I’m still not sure how I feel about
the word splay. I still will not tell you of all the reasons he’s forbidden, just that he
said it two more times, Open, open.
12.
My mother ties a rope around the back legs and I watch as she drags the body over
rocks, the head unapologetically thumping, and I wonder if the wound is getting
wider. I wonder how much time it will take for the body to disintegrate. I wonder
what animal might come tonight to eat the flesh. The phrase from my lover from
a few days ago: I want to eat you like a plains lion eats a gazelle out from the crotch
first or, I suppose I’d like to eat you in some way—
My mother ties a rope around the back legs and I watch as she drags the body over
rocks, the head unapologetically thumping, and I wonder if the wound is getting
wider. I wonder how much time it will take for the body to disintegrate. I wonder
what animal might come tonight to eat the flesh. The phrase from my lover from
a few days ago: I want to eat you like a plains lion eats a gazelle out from the crotch
first or, I suppose I’d like to eat you in some way—
13.
as to taste you in mouth. It’s not like my mother to move an animal body through
the woods. As I watch her disappear farther, there are messages coming off of this
distance: My mother is brave, and, if my body were to lay out just like that in death I
would be eaten away just the same.
as to taste you in mouth. It’s not like my mother to move an animal body through
the woods. As I watch her disappear farther, there are messages coming off of this
distance: My mother is brave, and, if my body were to lay out just like that in death I
would be eaten away just the same.
14.
When she returns she’s crying about the body, talking of my grandparents who are
bones beneath the ground. What is the point of all this living? As a hospice nurse, my
mother has tended to more dead bodies than most. Something about the animal body,
she says. O, body. O, distance from the living to the dead.
bones beneath the ground. What is the point of all this living? As a hospice nurse, my
mother has tended to more dead bodies than most. Something about the animal body,
she says. O, body. O, distance from the living to the dead.
15.
Tonight, with him at last, I remember how to say Alive without speaking. There is
the word, again, cresting on his lips: O-pen. But I will not let him speak it. I will take
his hands to my inner thighs and let him widen the sweet distance that keeps us, the
living, always surrendering to the same chant: together we sing Open, together we
plead More.
Tonight, with him at last, I remember how to say Alive without speaking. There is
the word, again, cresting on his lips: O-pen. But I will not let him speak it. I will take
his hands to my inner thighs and let him widen the sweet distance that keeps us, the
living, always surrendering to the same chant: together we sing Open, together we
plead More.
